I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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