Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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