I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
