I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
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he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
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2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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