cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the knife in your bed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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