I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
