me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
