i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
