well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
