shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sponge bath it is.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
