I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
