Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I will be naked everywhere
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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