11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
