Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
