his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
