One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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