you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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