so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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