i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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