I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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