Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I smell stomach acid.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
