So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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