I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
