there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
