We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The uberlube is also flammable
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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