Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
