Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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