I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
