My room smells like vodka and shame
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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