i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
