You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
