i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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