her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
