Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
