I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
