You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
