I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
