It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
