I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
