you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
