She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
