please come you make the beer taste better
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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