Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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