Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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