the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
