I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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