So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
