Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
