I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
