he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
