you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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