what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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