Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
