I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How external is "for external use only"?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
