The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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