i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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