Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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