I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
