Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I touched a dick in church today