i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much