Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
