You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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