his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
