Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.