If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
