i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT