Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
