They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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