I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
