I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
