That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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