last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
