There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
