I wish my penis had an off switch
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
