the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
