in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
