This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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